My Lion’s evening

Saturday had started so well. Up early without too much notice of a hangover, day with the youngster, bit of DIY and the Guru sorting out her clothes, or something. A trip to Oh! Kawa, they of the whale meat for sale in the past (for bona fide scientific research purposes that only a supermarket can do) for a whole chicken that will be rather pleasant when roasted with salad for dinner (not roasted at the same time as a salad, of course) and a few beers bought on the way home as well. The game’s on at eight, dinner’s on the go, young ‘un is getting excited about the first test...

But then:

1830 turn on sky tv to watch something on bbc world, but nothing happens. Rack brains to thing to back to last night, was there a problem with sky? No.
1831 begin swearing
1832 Think about today, what did we do? Move ps2 away from sky tuner as tuner was getting too hot as it is summer. Did we knock any sky leads askew? No.
1833 swearing takes off in earnest
1835 check all leads to and from sky box
1840 all seem to be in place. Start checking sky card thingamajig, reset button and every other lead.
1845 swearing plus plaintive cry of “why me, why to-f*cking-night?”
1850 pull sky box out and attach telephone line for first time in three years to see if they have sent rude email or something
1854 nothing from sky -> more swearing
1855 Guru suggests that if can’t watch hear better bugger off to Shinjuku to watch there. Much appreciation of the suggestion
1900 (halfway through roast chicken cooking time) still no joy from Sky plus website mentions nothing odd
1905 ok, I realise I have a two month old son at home, but this is the Lions. Off to Shinjuku
1940 arrive Shinjuku, start towards the Clubhouse, number of questions in my mind: 1 can I remember where it is; 2 are they showing it seeing as kick off was 4pm and only sky are so shite as to show it late (uninteresting Japanese baseball deemed more important even though Every. Single. Fecking. Game is available on sky or domestic tv).
1950 arrive Clubhouse, has that ‘things have been watched this afternoon’ feeling about the place. Order beer and ask random punter if they are showing the Lion’s at 8? Affirmative, he asserts.
1953 settle back to watch a bit of the Australia vs. Bangladesh one dayer that is on in the UK.
2000ish notice through the bar that a team in red seems to be playing a team in black at rugby...
2001 someone stretched off the rugby pitch – not nowing anything at this stage assume that this the end of the game and therefore should avoid for a few minutes until they have rewound the tape, or something
2003 unsure as seem to be carrying on
2004 turn to bloke sitting next to me, conversation goes something like this:
Me – is that the Lions?
Some f*cking French C*** - I do not know. I am ear to watch za game of France and za South Africans.
Me – ah, I see.
SFFC – ah you ear to watch za red team?
Me – yes I am, I think they’re showing the match at 8.
SFFC – Zer is no need to watch, New Zealand wins something like 20 to 3.
Me – Oh...thanks...I didn’t know that...

2005 maybe I misheard him. Maybe he doesn’t really know. Let’s watch just to see what happens. All these thoughts go through my mind, but no, I know the result but I am I bound to endure the next 90 minutes or so by the code of watching rugby (same as the code of picking of scabs), I know I don’t want to watch but I have to.

2006-2130 woeful. Just woeful. One of the worst games of rugby I have watched. Ever. All eyes were on Wilkinson at 12, he didn’t have a sparkling game, but it would be unfair to single him out as every single player played badly (except perhaps Ryan Jones who, having nothing to lose, perhaps, gave everything and more).

2215 home and sky still not working
2245 expected dinner of roast chicken salad transformed into pasta and packet sauce as can't be bothered cooking properly now – still, at least the beer bought earlier and the chicken are both still there for tomorrow...